Tales from my life as a mom of 2 sons and 2 daughters


Cheli On Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Hey Everyone,

I am having like the strangest feeling all day today.. it's like everything going on is just hitting me now.. I'm going to be a mother in less than 2 weeks. OMG I am going to have son. A little boy. A little person completely dependant on me for everything in his life.. AHHHHHH Am I ready for it? Not that I have a choice I suppose but OMG. I keep going back and forth between being utterly terrified and extremely anxious. I want him here NOW and yet I don't. I want to have him in my arms and yet I know I will miss feeling him kick and move inside my belly. This pregnancy has been amazing.. even with all the troubles and complications and crappy feeling.. it's been the best 9 months of my life.. He isn't even here yet and already he has changed me forever. He is the most important person my life and he's not even taken his first breath. How is that possible???

I want to do everything right by him. I want to give him the best of everything I can. I want him to grow up to be a wonderful person. A wonderful man. Successful (whatever that means for him) and most of all healthy and happy.. and I am SOOOO afraid that I'm going to screw him up. I seem to hear everywhere that abuse goes in cycles.. and I'd kill myself before I'd ever ever lay a hand to him but I know that there are far worse things that could be done to him then hitting him and while I can sit here to say I won't do anything to screw him up.. who knowingly sits here pregnant and says they will?

He is my life.. he is my future.. he is my dream come true.. I just hope that I am able to be everything he needs and deserves..