On Tuesday, October 3, 2006
OK so is it dumb for me to say that I finally feel like a mom? I mean I have felt like a mom of course but tonight while driving home from a friend's house with the baby sleeping his carseat in the back it just hit me full force that he was my son. That I was his mother. I nearly cried. Yes maybe it's because I'm tired but I just have never loved him so much as I do recently. When he was first born I loved him more than life itself just because he was finally here and he was (relatively speaking) healthy. But between 0-3 months.. I loved him in the "you have to love him because you are his mother" kinda way. I went through the motions because I was supposed to and I loved him because I was supposed to but I didn't feel that all powering crush you like a ton of bricks kind of love that I've heard moms talk about and I thought there was something wrong with me. I know now that it was because I had post partum depression and River was a difficult baby with being sick etc for the first few months but I felt so guilty. As he is getting older and I'm able to watch him grow and learn my love has just blossomed like I never thought possible. He is my everything.
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