On Tuesday, October 3, 2006
OK so is it dumb for me to say that I finally feel like a mom? I mean I have felt like a mom of course but tonight while driving home from a friend's house with the baby sleeping his carseat in the back it just hit me full force that he was my son. That I was his mother. I nearly cried. Yes maybe it's because I'm tired but I just have never loved him so much as I do recently. When he was first born I loved him more than life itself just because he was finally here and he was (relatively speaking) healthy. But between 0-3 months.. I loved him in the "you have to love him because you are his mother" kinda way. I went through the motions because I was supposed to and I loved him because I was supposed to but I didn't feel that all powering crush you like a ton of bricks kind of love that I've heard moms talk about and I thought there was something wrong with me. I know now that it was because I had post partum depression and River was a difficult baby with being sick etc for the first few months but I felt so guilty. As he is getting older and I'm able to watch him grow and learn my love has just blossomed like I never thought possible. He is my everything.
On Monday, October 2, 2006
Tired has moved to a whole new level these last few weeks. I'm tired physically, mentally.. everything.. just tired. And whats worse is I can't sleep. Even when I can sleep in my body won't let me. I'm just tired.
School is going good I suppose. We are officially in our second semester now. We started Med Surg and Pharmacology last Thursday. We've gotten 2 grades in both classes.. in Pharm I have a 98 and 100. In Med Surg I have an 83 and don't know what the other grade is yet as we just took the quiz today but I think I did better on that assignment. I hope. Everyone told us that these two classes which last about 3 and 7 weeks respectively are the hardest two classes in the program because they are so extensive and important. Mrs. Lou our Med Surg teacher told us today that if we pass with an 80 grade we'll be happy (not us directly but the class in general) she said her class is hard. The Junior class started Med Surg with 30 students.. not one had been removed from the program. .after Med Surg they were down to only 19. They lost 11 people.. lets hope I'm not one of the 11 we lose.
Doug's work is going good. He's been there a little over 4 weeks so far. The changed his schedule for this week and next week to 2:30 to 11. Which means I am 100% responsible for River. Which means he has to stay at Daycare later every day so that I have time to study. I miss my little boy :( I know I am doing this for our future and what not but Goddess I miss him NOW. I feel like I am missing him growing up even though I'm not. He's getting so big. He'll be 8 months old in 8 days.. when did that happen? Other than that he's doing great, he is feeling better. He's cruising the couches now and just recently he started saying "dada" although he doesn't understand that "dada" means Daddy. He just says it right now. He has a doctor appointment tomorrow to follw up from his Double Ear Infection. I don't know if i'm going to go or not. I really dislike the doctor who we have to see because of the time we can get in plus I'll have to miss a little bit of school to take him and I really don't want to miss school for nothing. I'd rather save it for the next time he is sick or the next time I am.
We are almost completely caught up in bills.. A little bit left to pay on the cell phone and a little bit more to pay on the out of pocket to the school to get caught up and then we'll be good to go. Now if only Episcopal would come through so we aren't having to spend 310 dollars every 2 weeks on daycare life would be good.
I'm babbling now because I'm tired.. will talk to everyone later.
On Thursday, September 21, 2006
I haven't been this tired in a long time... I am beyond tired... every fiber of my body aches *including the wonderful migraine* and I am irritated as hell. The baby is getting on my nerves for no reason.. he's just being a baby but it's getting to me. He's tired too and he's sick which just adds to the fun. *sigh*
Yeah, we took River to the doctor Tuesday. He has a double ear infection and the doctor thinks he has allergies. He came home on 3 prescriptions and goes back to the doctor October 3rd for a recheck. That means he now has ear infection number 3 and 4. UGHHHH he's going to end up with tubes in his ears I just know it. Still only two teeth and boy is crabby. He's chewing on everything in sight but only the two. He goes November 13th (or was it 14th) for his 9 month well baby visit. Other than that.. he's doing great. Into everything and going everywhere. He's gotten good at pulling himself up on things and is trying to master the art of cruising the furniture but we're still no too sure about that.
Doug got a letter yesterday from Comcast saying that they will be here Saturday between 11 and 2 to install our cable stuff.. WOOO HOOOOOOO. That means come Saturday night we will have every channel plus the movies and the high speed internet. I can NOT wait. I am beyond sick of no TV and dial up. He also did shift bid today. He got the last 9am to 6pm shift available. But he doesn't know what days he'll work yet. *shrug* I'm glad in one way that he got this shift because that means he'll be home in the evenings to help me study and such. And he'll have every Sunday off and every other Satuday off. But that means the baby will have to be in daycare which mean 620 dollars a month in daycare expenses until the funds from the Episcopal thing come through to help us.. *sigh* That's almost half of Doug's monthly income..
I am almost done with my first clinical rotation. I go tomorrow and that's the last day. I'm glad that we had the chance to do this as it was a nice break from the monotany of sitting in a classroom 7 hours a day but I am not sorry to not have to be getting up at 4:50 in the morning and going to take care of old people. My patient this week was a really sweet woman who didn't really need me to help her with anything but I had to help everyone else help their patients and then help patients that weren't ours. It was very strenuous. I have a whole new appreciation for what a CNA does. I'm tired. On Monday we have a Practicum Final (basically a hands on final) and then Tuesday we have a writen final. Then we are done with our first semester of nursing school. YAY!!!!! We have Wednesday off as a "semester break" and Thursday we start Med Surge and Pharmacology..should be nice and stressful.
On Thursday, September 7, 2006
Where has the time gone?????? My baby will be 7 months old on Monday and today he cut his first TEETH... not just one but 2 broke the gums (one is about half way up and the other just starting) and 2 others are RIGHT behind them.. poor kiddo. I am so glad that he got them though, I didn't get my first teeth until I was 2 and I was worried that he would be late at that too. Awwwwww He's getting so big!!!!!
On Tuesday, September 5, 2006
Yesterday was less than fun... I woke up feeling wonderful.. cleaned the house a bit so we wouldn't have to worry about it this week and then noticed that I had a sharp pain in my abdomen.. kept watching it through out the day and it kept getting worse.. About 2 it got to the point that it was hard for me to inhale because it hurt to breathe so we decided we needed to get me checked out by the doctor to make sure it wasn't something like my appendix. So up to Baptist hospital we go.. Get there about 4 or so and it takes forever to get back and get seen. First they did a urinalysis and then blood work and said my white blood count was a little high which means a slight infection but nothing too much to worry about.. decided to do an ultrasound to see if maybe I had gallstones.. that came back clear. They decided then that they can give me some pain meds and decided to give me Morphine.. I was still hurting afterward.. but I was nice and zoned LOL So they decided to do a CT scan.. which means I had to drink the Barium Sulfate.. for those who have never drank this stuff.. BE VERY GLAD.. it taste like chalky mint banana (they flavor the crap with banana to supposedly make it taste better and then call it a smoothie @@) I had to drink 26 oz of the shit in 2 hours.. I drink most of the second one and then told the nursing I couldn't drink anymore or I'd puke.. he said I didn't have to. CT Scan came back clear.. he was about to discharge me and decided to run another test.. a blood gas test which involves drawing blood straight from an artery.. oh the fun. It too came back clear.. then the doctor decides he wants to admit me for observation because he has no clue what's wrong with me. I refused and signed myself out AMA came home about 4am and took an 800mg of IBProfin and then crashed and slept until 9am got up and basically slept most of the day until we went to get the baby.. I feel much better although I still hurt some. *sigh*
On Saturday, September 2, 2006
OK so it's been a while again.. things have been very busy around here the last few weeks..
We finished 102 in school and I ended up with a 90% in the class.. but 5 people didn't pass the class and were removed from the program.. that's rather scary.. 5 people out of 30.. we're down to 25 people. We started 103 right after that one and we are about a week or so into it. I'm doing pretty well but this is the class that scares me, it's all of the procedures that they teach you as a CNA.. it's the basics you ahve to know before you can start clinicals. After I finished the CNA training back in 2002 I took the test and passed the written with no problem.. the practicum was what I failed.. I don't want to fail this time around.. this is SO important.. Ughhhh pressure!!! We went to a Hospice center on Friday.. I have to write an essay on it and pallative care this weekend and turn it in on Tuesday when we go back. Not a big deal.
Doug started work on Monday. He likes it well enough :) He has Monday off too but it's PAID! YAY!!!! He'll get his first paycheck on the 15th and we will be able to start getting caught up on bills finally YAY!!!! I'm so proud of him for getting the Comcast job.. and I know he's looking forward to the benefits :) It's been hectic trying to fall into a routine of whoe goes where and when but I think we finally got it!
The baby started daycare on Monday.. last Friday he got sick.. Saturday he had a 102 fever and was really lethargic.. found out he's got an ear infection so he's on antibiotics for it and doing much better. He LOVES the daycare which is good. We've been having a few minor snags with the daycare but nothing major..
Anyway we aren't really doing anything this weekend other than spending time together and relaxing but I thought I would write and update while I have a chance... .who can believe it's September already!
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